he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
