well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
