my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
