what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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