Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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