I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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