How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
