she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
