We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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