I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
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