We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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