I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dignity is for republicans.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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