frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
