Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
