My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
