Just fell off a train. Bad.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
