we have pet lesbian snakes
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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