it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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