I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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