JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
