i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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