dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
