You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
