dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
