No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
50% drunk capacity currently
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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