You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
