I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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