she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
