i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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