I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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