just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize