It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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