If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
