just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize