i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
