it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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