maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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