i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
