I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
