She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
