So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I wear drunk well.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
