I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
