I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
