Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
