During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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