He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
