i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
