I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
