Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
