i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
