i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
