i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
