Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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