I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I love you. Go after that dick
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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