I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
