I feel great
I just peed on a car
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize