I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
