It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
