Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
