Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
