Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
