Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
