tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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