Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
