Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
