I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
