and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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