Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
