well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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