I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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