And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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